“I’m Fine”. But am I? Svadhyaya through Asana Practice
written by Lynn Austin Lalka
In the past year, the majority of conversations I had started with the same question: “How are you doing?”. This seems like a pretty normal way to start a conversation, but the question felt much weightier during this uncertain and unpredictable year. A lot of things changed during the year, but my response to the question always remained the same: “I’m fine.”
And I thought I was. Forced isolation sounded dreamy. I’m an introvert and was seven months pregnant when Covid hit so having the opportunity to stay home and avoid interactions felt pretty good for awhile. I embraced the slower pace and lack of external obligations. And by the time my son was born in May 2020, I’d gotten into a routine, accepting what was, for the foreseeable future, the new norm.
The new norm eventually became a little more chaotic, as we dealt with daycare closures, continued work obligations, and a few self-imposed two week isolation periods so we could see family. A few months ago, during a period of time that felt especially chaotic, I woke up with what I thought was a crick in my neck. I assumed I’d slept funny and that I’d feel better the next day, but instead this pain became so debilitating that I was completely immobilized for five days.
At this point, I’d been running on autopilot for about 10 months. Trudging through, doing what had to be done from day to day. But because of this injury, I had no choice but to be still. And with this stillness came an influx of thoughts and feelings I didn’t even know were there.
Any Friends fan will remember the episode when Ross adamantly exclaims “I’m fine!” Ross had just found out that his long-time on again, off again girlfriend, Rachel, was dating one of his best friends, Joey. He repeatedly tells everyone that he’s “fine,” but each time he says it his voice becomes squeakier and less composed. Clearly he was not “fine,” and once I took the time to process my own feelings during the pandemic, I realized I wasn’t either.
In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, we are introduced to the eight limbs of yoga, which serve as guidelines through which we can shape our behavior and thoughts to live a more purposeful and thoughtful life. The second limb, niyama, focuses on self-discipline practices and spiritual observances. There are five niyamas, the fourth being svadhyaya.
Svadhyaya is the study of one’s self. Sva can be translated as “self” and adhyaya as “lesson” or “study.” As we are encouraged to do with all of the niyamas, and all of the practices within the eight limbs of yoga, we are to enter the practice of svadhyaya with a loving approach towards ourselves. That is, when we are studying ourselves, we are not doing so to judge or condemn, but are instead doing so to learn and discover ourselves on a deeper level. We should approach svadhyaya as if we are someone separate from our being, like an observer looking in. In that way, we are detached to some extent, and therefore able to more objectively see what lies within.
“Study, when it is developed to the highest degree, brings one closer to higher forces that promote understanding of the most complex.”- The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali, II.44
Our inner beings are incredibly complex, but how often do we give ourselves the opportunity to study ourselves and to think about how we really feel? Sometimes this isn’t a deliberate thing—we’re busy, and we’re wrapped up in what we feel like we have to get done right now. Or we get thrust into a pandemic. But sometimes this lack of self-study is deliberate. If I’m completely honest with myself, I didn’t want to think about how I really felt, which was overwhelmed, unsure, and weary. After my neck injury, I went to my chiropractor, who told me that when something is awry in our body physical pain is the last thing to happen. Physical pain is the body’s alarm to tell us “Listen to me! There has been an issue here for a long time! PLEASE address it!”
There are many ways to cultivate svadhyaya. We can practice mindfulness, meditation, and breath practices. We can chant mantra. We can move through physical postures, or practice asana.
Asana is the third limb of yoga and translates to “seat.” Asana is what we refer to as the physical practice of yoga, the different postures (poses) that you see a yoga practitioner moving through on their mat. To the outside world observing us moving through asana, it may appear as if we are just trying to make a certain shape with our bodies to look a certain way. But, as B.K.S. Iyengar reminds us, “[t]he study of asana is not about mastering posture. It’s about using posture to understand and transform yourself.”
We walk around in our own skin all the time, but we often don’t pay attention to what our bodies are doing or how they are feeling until we have to (for example, when we get injured). But as we move through asana practice, we are forced to feel what is going on in our physical selves. As I stand on one foot in tree pose I have to be very aware of what my standing leg is doing. As I move into downward dog I have no choice but to feel the openness, or tightness, through the back of my thighs. This awareness may feel forced at first, but as we continue to practice, we are able to start surrendering into these feelings, and maybe we even get to the point where we’re giving ourselves permission to dig deeper and inquire further.
Historically, Svadhyaya involves the study of one’s spiritual nature, our big “S” Self which is eternal. We are often a lot more focused on our small “s” self, the self that we consider as “me,” which we may be tempted to think is always a bad thing. But what if we instead see the study of our small self as a way to help us access and more fully understand our big Self? We can do this through all of our practices, including our asana practice. In our practices, we invite everything in, the crick in the neck, the doubt, the worry, and see what the body is trying to communicate to us. Perhaps these small markers of our humanness can be portals to our greater nature.
“When the asana is correct, there is lightness, a freedom. Freedom comes when every part of the body is active. Let us be free in whatever posture we are doing. Let us be full in whatever we do.” -B.K.S. Iyengar.
My neck injury felt like a very negative experience in the moment, but I now see it as a gift. I needed a wake up call to stop ignoring myself. I am no longer going through the motions, or trudging through, but instead I am deliberately taking time to practice and to process. I’m still tempted to respond with “I’m fine” when people ask me how I’m doing, but now I stop myself before doing so. Because my feelings are so much deeper than just being fine, and it’s important that I acknowledge and articulate that. And it’s incredible how much freedom comes with that.
Teacher Tools
Quotes
“Study, when it is developed to the highest degree, brings one closer to higher forces that promote understanding of the most complex.”- The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali, II.44
“The study of asana is not about mastering posture. It’s about using posture to understand and transform yourself.” -B.K.S. Iyengar
“Hatha Yoga teaches us to use the body as the bow, asana as the arrow, and the soul the target.” -B.K.S. Iyengar
“When the asana is correct, there is lightness, a freedom. Freedom comes when every part of the body is active. Let us be free in whatever posture we are doing. Let us be full in whatever we do.” -B.K.S. Iyengar
“One asana is strong, then again another is very soft and gentle. So you have this modulation from one asana to another, just as you have from one feeling to another. Then they all, of course, make you lighter, give you space. I feel that space is what I get and receive and like to have – space inside which makes more space for openness outside.” -Laura Huxley
Books
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali
Heal Your Body by Louise Hay
Yoga of the Subtle Body by Tias Little
Light on Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar
Asana
-Attend Beginners or alignment-focused classes which are typically slower paced and focus on safe alignment and longer holding of poses.
– In each pose, do a scan of your body from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head. Identify, without judgment, what you feel in your muscles, bones, and joints. Notice whether you feel different in the left and right sides of your body.
– Incorporate pranayama (breathing practices) into your asana practice. As you’re moving through asana, focus on moving with your breath, using breath to create space within your body.
– Use props like blocks, straps, chairs, bolsters, chairs, and the wall. These props add extra stability to our practice, and therefore make our bodies feel more safe and supported.
Chants
1. So Hum
I am that
2. Sat Nam
I am truth
3. oṃ asato mā sad gamaya
tamaso mā jyotir gamaya
mṛtyor mā ‘mṛtaṃ gamaya
oṃ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ
Lead us from the unreal to the real
Lead us from darkness to light
Lead us from death to immortality
Om peace, peace, peace!
4. oṃ sarveṣāṃ svastir bhavatu
sarveṣāṃ śāntir bhavatu
sarveṣāṃ pūrṇaṃ bhavatu
sarveṣāṃ maṅgalaṃ-bhavatu
oṃ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ
May there be Well-Being in All,
May there be Peace in All,
May there be Fulfilment in All,
May there be Auspiciousness in All,
Om Peace, Peace, Peace
July 2021